My goodness what the last couple days have been!!!
First-To start I am no longer at my school which is really hard because I sure love my faculty and the kiddos that I worked with! That has been a huge stress for me. I am working in summer school so I do have income for the summer but I have nothing this week, this month is going to be tight!
Second- I am moving! Yes on top of all of that I am moving to another town but in the same area. I want to be closer to my new job. I can't tell you where because of stresser number 3. But suffice it to say the move will be a good thing but moving sucks!
third-My ex husband just got out of jail. The father of my younger 2 kiddos has been out of their lives since Christmas day just got out of jail. He is clean and sober (good choice on him) but he is also thinking that nothing changes with the boys and he doesn't need to have a reunification process. I have talked to their therapist and she said that things need to go in a slow process and to walk the boys through the process slowly so their best interest is at heart. Nope ex says that he is going to show up and take the boys on July 1st regardless of what any professional says. Legal process will need to be come into play on this one. I can't have my kids going with a someone that is living on the streets! so now I am freaking out about that.
Only a few stressers. I really hope that this move happens and the stress decreases to something more manageable for me.
Good news! I will be starting my new job in Aug and so finances shouldn't be so tight this year like they were last year! let's keep the good news stuff coming!
Wednesday, June 12, 2019
Thursday, October 25, 2018
Ever had the "What the hell am I doing" moment?
I have been having the "what the Hell am I doing" moment a lot lately. I think this is a combination of a few things. First culture shock, second being away from everyone I know, and last not really finding my niche at my job.
I think the last week I have been going through a culture shock. I have moved far away, farther away than I have ever lived before, and I am going through a bit of a shock as of late. Today I was laughed at by kids in an elementary classroom for using the wrong slang. Every girl has the short little hairs that can't go into a ponytail on their heads in Utah these are called flyaways or baby hairs. In Iowa, these are called edges, but don't get these confused with the nice edges that boys get with a haircut because a group of small children will laugh at you like you are a moron! Edges are on girls head that needs to be tamed by gel or goop, lines are nice lines cut into a guys haircut to make them look sharp, who knew? Example two, if you are in a line in class and someone cuts in front of you that is called "budging" again that is not being pushed out of line but someone is getting in front of you in line. I new one, my daughters have picked up, "mood" this is not how you feel but what you say if someone is feeling the same as you. Five months ago "You like ice-cream?" "Same!" now "You like ice-cream?" "Mood!" All of these things are defiantly a culture shock, not necessarily a bad thing. I feel like if you are taken out of your groove and feel a little uncomfortable you are probably growing and making yourself a better person. But it doesn't mean that it is comfortable.
Being far away from everyone I know has been interesting. At first, it is sad, then it is lonely, then it is just strange, I will tell you how. Being a school teacher I am kind of infamous. Everywhere I go someone will know who I am, especially in the small town of Vernal. If I were to go on an outing to a play or my child's choir concert I would not only see people I knew but I would hear whispers of my name throughout the audience. Little smatterings of "Look mom that is Ms. Doyle," or "That is a teacher at my school." or most often being hugged from behind by a small person that you just hug my back till they move back far enough to see their faces and recognize who they are. This last week I went to Kenya's choir concert and no-one knew me, barring my own cousin that I was able to sit next to. It is kind of hard and a little lonely to not have "people."
Last finding my niche. This year has been so hard. Starting out at the beginning of the year it was so emotional to not have my own class. To not have my own little babies that I was in charge of, to take care of, and watch grow through the year, with test scores and encouragement. It was nearly a psychological blow in a way. This year I have been blessed to work in a school as a building sub. Although it would be my 8th year teaching I am kind of teaching by proxy. The kids still love me and hug me and want to have that expectancy from an adult that they are around but it isn't the same. I think this has started to put a damper on my love for the art of teaching. I know I will find my way but at the moment I am struggling.
This week on Facebook someone said to put your age as the chapter number and then put the name that you would call this chapter in your life. I named it, chapter 38 The 1200 Mile Life Change. This change has not been bad I am glad I have moved but it is also hard and puts a strain on many things in your life. I think feeling lonely is the biggest one. I am trying to find that silver lining today but the "what the hell am I doing" moment might be winning today.
I think the last week I have been going through a culture shock. I have moved far away, farther away than I have ever lived before, and I am going through a bit of a shock as of late. Today I was laughed at by kids in an elementary classroom for using the wrong slang. Every girl has the short little hairs that can't go into a ponytail on their heads in Utah these are called flyaways or baby hairs. In Iowa, these are called edges, but don't get these confused with the nice edges that boys get with a haircut because a group of small children will laugh at you like you are a moron! Edges are on girls head that needs to be tamed by gel or goop, lines are nice lines cut into a guys haircut to make them look sharp, who knew? Example two, if you are in a line in class and someone cuts in front of you that is called "budging" again that is not being pushed out of line but someone is getting in front of you in line. I new one, my daughters have picked up, "mood" this is not how you feel but what you say if someone is feeling the same as you. Five months ago "You like ice-cream?" "Same!" now "You like ice-cream?" "Mood!" All of these things are defiantly a culture shock, not necessarily a bad thing. I feel like if you are taken out of your groove and feel a little uncomfortable you are probably growing and making yourself a better person. But it doesn't mean that it is comfortable.
Being far away from everyone I know has been interesting. At first, it is sad, then it is lonely, then it is just strange, I will tell you how. Being a school teacher I am kind of infamous. Everywhere I go someone will know who I am, especially in the small town of Vernal. If I were to go on an outing to a play or my child's choir concert I would not only see people I knew but I would hear whispers of my name throughout the audience. Little smatterings of "Look mom that is Ms. Doyle," or "That is a teacher at my school." or most often being hugged from behind by a small person that you just hug my back till they move back far enough to see their faces and recognize who they are. This last week I went to Kenya's choir concert and no-one knew me, barring my own cousin that I was able to sit next to. It is kind of hard and a little lonely to not have "people."
Last finding my niche. This year has been so hard. Starting out at the beginning of the year it was so emotional to not have my own class. To not have my own little babies that I was in charge of, to take care of, and watch grow through the year, with test scores and encouragement. It was nearly a psychological blow in a way. This year I have been blessed to work in a school as a building sub. Although it would be my 8th year teaching I am kind of teaching by proxy. The kids still love me and hug me and want to have that expectancy from an adult that they are around but it isn't the same. I think this has started to put a damper on my love for the art of teaching. I know I will find my way but at the moment I am struggling.
This week on Facebook someone said to put your age as the chapter number and then put the name that you would call this chapter in your life. I named it, chapter 38 The 1200 Mile Life Change. This change has not been bad I am glad I have moved but it is also hard and puts a strain on many things in your life. I think feeling lonely is the biggest one. I am trying to find that silver lining today but the "what the hell am I doing" moment might be winning today.
Monday, October 22, 2018
Went home from work sick today.
I am doing pretty good! Three posts in three days!
I am an elementary school teacher, if I had my own classroom this year it would be my 8th year teaching. When I moved to Iowa I wasn't able to find a full time teaching job, so I took a position at a school as a full time building sub. This position means that I go to work everyday and work teacher hrs but I don't get paid full teacher wage. Needless to say it has been a rather difficult transition; the school that I work at is in the rougher side of town. These little babies just need love and acceptance from adults around them. Because the adults in their lives are not always reliable nor are they present, the kids are in a lot of pain.
This morning I went to work and it was a normal morning. I had my chia tea and my protein drink that I have every morning (12 lbs down baby!) and at 10 am I got the sudden flu. I don't know what else to call it. One second I was fine and the next second I was not! I ended up needing to go home. The class I was subbing in, I have been in for the last two weeks, has really grown to love me and when I said I needed to go home the were really sad, I even had one crying.
When I got home and had a good nap, broke my fever, I read this, and so I had to write about it today.
I am an elementary school teacher, if I had my own classroom this year it would be my 8th year teaching. When I moved to Iowa I wasn't able to find a full time teaching job, so I took a position at a school as a full time building sub. This position means that I go to work everyday and work teacher hrs but I don't get paid full teacher wage. Needless to say it has been a rather difficult transition; the school that I work at is in the rougher side of town. These little babies just need love and acceptance from adults around them. Because the adults in their lives are not always reliable nor are they present, the kids are in a lot of pain.
This morning I went to work and it was a normal morning. I had my chia tea and my protein drink that I have every morning (12 lbs down baby!) and at 10 am I got the sudden flu. I don't know what else to call it. One second I was fine and the next second I was not! I ended up needing to go home. The class I was subbing in, I have been in for the last two weeks, has really grown to love me and when I said I needed to go home the were really sad, I even had one crying.
When I got home and had a good nap, broke my fever, I read this, and so I had to write about it today.
Sunday, October 21, 2018
First Parent time Visit from out of state
The last few weeks have been a whirl wind of crazy! I was given the opportunity to fly with the boys to Utah so they could have a fall break parent time visit. Well in reality I was told that if I didn't take them out that I would be taken to court but it was a fun opportunity to be able to take them on a plane for their first time.
We flew from Cedar Rapids to Denver then from Denver to Salt Lake City. Both of the boys were amazing not one peep out of them and after Jaxon learned not to kick the seat in front of him he was perfect too! We met so many kind people that helped me and talked to the boys. In reality I only had one time that there was an individual on the flight to Colorado, that was quit rude. I think out of hundreds of people that is pretty good odds!
We got to SLC and met with a friend of mine who helped me find Rusty and get them on their Parent visit. It wasn't the most pleasant of encounters, that has a lot more story but the boys left with Rusty and his uncle Paul, awesome guy.
I was able to have a very quiet day the next day and slept in without any children. Which if you have kids ends up feeling too quiet and extremely boring! That day, from choices made, the parent time visit was cut short and I was stuck in Ogden without a car and my cute boys needing to be picked up. I had so many loved ones rally together willing to get the boys and even keep them till the next day so we could figure out pick up. Because of family and friends sacrificing their time I was able to see old friends, (Kendra, Matty, Robert and family) Family (Cyndi and the kids and Serena and the kids) and still get my boys the following evening. I had an amazing time with the boys and friends that I wouldn't change it for anything. The only thing that would have made it better would have been to have the girls there too!
It is amazing how there is a silver lining in most things even when it isn't visible, at first, through the storm.
Saturday, October 20, 2018
Starting Fresh and New
Today is a new beginning! I have had this blog for a really long time but I have never written on it consistently, today is a new beginning! I am going to try to write on this everyday for the next 6 months. I will be putting life on here. Somethings will be uplifting and somethings will be funny but for the most part it is just life.
So you know who I am:
I hope you enjoy learning about me as I learn about myself!
So you know who I am:
- Elementary teacher
- Single mother of 4 kiddos
- I take care of my handicapped sister
- I went to college when I was older
- I have recently moved from Utah to Iowa and I am going through a major culture shock, of my life
I hope you enjoy learning about me as I learn about myself!
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